Getting 2 Exactly
I apologize to all those readers who require good grammar in a post title. However here’s the point: how many “exactly” phrases do you typically get in your conversations? See what happens when you get two.
It is a fun and interesting game that has a direct, beneficial result for you.
The game: try to get the other person to say “exactly” twice or more in a conversation without making it obvious. If you correctly understand what the other person is communicating to you, then you are able to repeat back to them some similar re-statement of what they are saying or give an example that relates to the situation they are describing in such as way they will say exactly or something similar.
I’m sure you have had the opposite experience. You saw a movie or read a blog post that really intrigued you, so you share with your friend and they say something lame like, “Yeah, really” or “Oh, I know.” There is no confirmation that your sharing was actually understood. It leaves a hole in the communication. “Exactly” fills those holes by confirming that you understand and acknowledge the other person’s point. And it makes your sharing more interesting.
The direct benefit to you is it helps you stay focused on the conversation and helps you actively listen to the other individual.
More importantly, it helps you build trust at a very rapid pace. If the other person feels that they are truly being heard, they are more likely to open up and share something that is deeper for them or maybe share something that you really need to aware of that may impact decisions you make.
After a while you become more aware of whom you are willing to invest the time to get “exactly” returned as part of the conversation. For example, I noticed that some of my direct reports never said exactly to me, and then I became aware of how I have not been giving them enough attention as a manager. I started keeping a list of how many times each direct report gave me an “exactly” during the week.
People who had low “exactly” numbers meant I either wasn’t spending enough time with them or I was not really listening to them because I was preoccupied with my stuff and not paying attention. Not a good sign as a manager.
It changed my thinking from merely being a project manager to being a results manager. That meant people were willing to work harder for me because they felt understood and appreciated. Low performers were more willing to open up to me and we could discuss what was holding them back. High performers were more willing to be innovative and risk-takers because they felt that at least they would be heard if it didn’t work out right or ended with unexpected results.
Try this “exactly” game and let me know how it works for you.